Don’t answer every question, instead ask what do they think.
Asking questions stimulates conversation between you and your
child.

2. Don’t Criticize.

Criticism invites low self-esteem. Children feel that they have
failed or disappointed their parents when they are criticized.
Find alternate ways of correcting the problem. A child will
likely shut down communication if they feel that their parents
are not supportive.

3. Respect Your Child’s Opinions.

Your child is not an extension of you. Although it is difficult
to accept at times, it is normal and healthy for your child to
have their own opinion. Children who are confident in expressing
their opinions are less likely to join gangs or succumb to peer
pressure.

4. Teach Your Child To Embrace Diversity.

Encourage your child to learn about different cultures and
ethnicities. A well informed child can will understand and
respect other people’s values.

5. Teach Your Child To Set Personal Boundaries.

Children need to have their personal space respected in order
for them to respect other people’s personal space. Help your
child to establish their boundaries and insist that he/she
enforce them with their peers.

6. Establish A Nurturing Environment.

Children thrive in environments in which they know they are
loved and respected. Remind them every day that you love them
and support them.

7. Understand Your Child’s Thinking Process.

In order for you to be an advocate for your child in school, you
must know and understand how your child learns. Is he/she
creative, logical, musical, spatial, interpersonal,
intrapersonal, naturalistic? Know your child’s capabilities and
accept their creativity.

8. Let Them Think For Themselves.

Encourage independent thinking. Let your child decide (within
reason) what is appropriate for them. Give them enough room to
make decisions, but also be there in case their plans don’t work
out.

9. Teach Them Stress Management Skills.

Help your child to effectively deal with stress. Try not to
contribute to their stress with demands and unrealistic
expectations. Make learning fun!

10. Teach Your Child To Trust His/Her Instincts.

In order for children to be successful in life, they must learn
how to trust their decisions. Your child needs to be confident
in trusting his/her instincts and feelings. Children who trust
themselves are less likely to participate in unhealthy behaviors

About the author:
Marie Magdala Roker is a Family Coach and Certified Breakthrough
Parenting Instructor. She is completing her Masters in Health
Education at Columbia University’s Teachers College. She helps
parents to reclaim their lives and students to unlock their
academic potential. She is committed to helping build healthy
families, one family member at a time.

OLD FRIENDS If the child has a lot of stuffed animals that
he/she has outgrown, but just isn’t ready to part with yet? Use a
HAMMOCK or a net that hangs way up in the corner of the ceiling.
The toys can be put up there and they can still be seen but they
are out of the way.

SETTING UP CATEGORIES Kids can organize their toys by category
(cars and trucks together, dolls together, specific types of
games together, etc) in big bins or baskets. If the child can
read, LABEL the bins to help them remember which bins are for
which category. LIDS are usually too much for kids to deal with,
so get containers without lids, or store the lids elsewhere for
when the kids aren’t using the bins anymore.

GET IN THE ZONE Set up ‘zones’ in the room for DIFFERENT
ACTIVITIES; art & craft zone, reading zone, puzzle zone, and a
large play area to play with blocks and whatnot. Get the
appropriate TOOLS for each zone, such tables for the child to
work at in the art and craft zone, shelves for puzzles and games
in that zone, and a comfy chair and a bookshelf in the reading
zone.

GO UP Because kids need a good amount of floor space to play in,
use the WALL SPACE for storage. Hanging sturdy shelves or wall
bins at a height that can be reached by the kids, clear plastic
wall pockets, or stacked milk crates work well for kids to do
their own organizing. Container Store is great for shelves if
you have one in your area. Their Elfa shelving system is totally
ADJUSTABLE, so when the kids grow taller, just snap out the
shelves, and snap them in higher up on the tracks! It’s the only
shelving system I use with my clients, and I love it.

A HOME FOR EVERYTHING Teach kids the benefit of CONTAINERIZING
items by category or by the activity that required; for example,
things you build, things you read, things to draw with/on, or
toys with wheels. Teach them how organizing makes their things
easier to find. So much of what we call clutter is just stuff
that has no home, and even kids can ASSIGN homes to all their
stuff and be taught how to put things away when they’re finished.

DRESSING IN A SNAP For kids clothing, install shelving in their
closets that they can reach and use lots of hooks and HANGING
SPACE. If kids clothes are in a folded pile or in a drawer, they
are more likely to just wear what’s on top, rather than looking
through the pile, so hang as much as possible.

DISPLAYING THEIR ARTWORK Hang a clothesline along one wall of
the child?s room, a few feet down from ceiling level, and use
CLOTHESPINS to display artwork that kids bring home from school.
Once it’s been displayed, if the child can’t part with it, use
clear UNDER BED containers for longer-term storage.

Kids can be taught organizing concepts and tactics, which will
serve them well through school and into their adult years. And
who knows, with their creative little minds working, you might
learn something new about organizing from them!

About the author:
Monica Ricci has been an organizing specialist since 1999, and
her motivational presentations teach effective organizing and
simplifying techniques for home and work. She also offers free
email tips and ideas on how to make life simpler and more
organized. Her topics include clutter control, paper management,
time management, organizing space and procrastination.Contact
Monica at 770-569-2642 or Monica@CatalystOrganizing.comThis e-mail address is being protected from spam bots, you need JavaScript enabled to view it .

1. Play. Colors Colors are life, colors are fun! Each has a
special message to give you, personally! Use them: take your
child self on a shopping trip to an office place, and choose
folders in the color that you like the most, be it a bright
orange, a sophisticated teal, or a spirited violet. Play with
this; maybe you want to have matching or contrasting colors for
your hanging files folders. Let yourself start a brand new
journey with your paper world, colored by the magic of a
rainbow.

2. Play. Sant (Pleasant)

Along with the new appealing folders instilling joy and renewal
and clearing old patterns, look at the objects that are in your
d?cor, e.g. pencil cup, paper trays, lamps, etc. Do you like
them? Do they make you smile each time you look at them? Frame
the photograph of your beloved with a frame that brings you
pleasure, or invest in the slick metallic office set that you
like! Those small investments will transform your mood, and thus
your world.

3. Play. Business Guru

It is all about playing: create a fun ritual around your
organizing sessions. Possibly go to a costume store, and buy
yourself a pair of Groucho Marx’s glasses (with the mustache!)
For 15 min. of organizing, put on those glasses, and pretend you
are an organization expert, or a business guru. Have fun!

4. Play. Order Builder

Think of yourself as a Body Builder, and as organizing as your
favorite workout. Do a set of 15 minutes. No more. Actually use
an egg timer to make sure you are not overworking your order
muscles. We wouldn’t want for you to be so exhausted tomorrow,
and so sour you won’t touch your files for another month! Just
commit to do a set for 15 minutes a day, five days a week! Easy.
For each organizing set, treat yourself to a 15 minutes passion
break, where you do something you are totally passionate about!

5. Play it. And Joy Will Come

This is my promise to you: since it is much harder to resist
doing something than actually doing it, joy will flow to your
heart after your very first session! After a week, you will
truly relish in your accomplishment, and start seeing a path to
your own freedom. A month will grant you a self-esteem that you
never thought was possible! Not counting the greater
effectiveness, and the satisfaction of knowing what you own, and
where it is!

6. Play. to Allow Win

That is where the goofy costume mentioned in #3 becomes really
meaningful! Halloween is Allow win: know that as you start this
new life of yours, there may just be the possibility of a
relapse, and that the wonderful joy just described might turn
again into sheer hopelessness. Should that moment hit, put those
glasses back on, and grab a mirror, quick! Your despair can be
seen as being as real, and as unreal as those glasses are,
guaranteed!

7. Puzzle Play

Since you have just become willing to relapse into your old
self, and have fun with it, you can also make a game out of any
challenge you may encounter. Treat it as a puzzle, as a game for
your mind to resolve. First focus on the solution, and then,
just like any other genius, give yourself some time to hear the
answer. It may be helpful to create a “Puzzle file” to be
visited in your Friday sessions.

8. Play. Music

Much has been said about the effect of music on reprogramming
the brain. Use it. Do your 15 minutes set while playing your
favorite tunes! In this manner, you will change your previous
thought forms on organizing to a mindset of appreciation,
synchronicity, and harmony.

9. Play. Decide

Do you remember being a child and playing Post Office, or
Grocery Store? Do you remember how you would just “decide” how
many stamps to buy, or bananas or cartoons of milk? Your piles
of paper are only decisions unmade, because you thought the game
was very serious, and that you could make “mistakes.” Become a
child again; give yourself to decide; this I keep, this I let
go! That I let go, and this I keep! And watch yourself becoming
lighter, and happier, and, also interestingly, way more secure
about yourself!

10. Play. Inspired!

Hire a coach. Hire an inspiration coach. Hire an Inspiration
Coach, whose name starts in Maha, and finishes with “Lene.” Hire
an Inspiration Coach, whose name starts in Maha, finishes with
“Lene,” and whose email reads mahalene@soulvision.com. E-mail
Mahalene now: you are on for the greatest adventure!

This piece was originally submitted by Mahalene Louis,
Inspiration Anchor, Artist, Author, and Speaker, who can be
reached at This e-mail address is being protected from spam bots, you need JavaScript enabled to view it ‘; document.write( ‘‘ ); document.write( addy_text94223 ); document.write( ‘<\/a>’ ); //–>\n This e-mail address is being protected from spam bots, you need JavaScript enabled to view it , via phone
512.632.8952 or visited on the web at http://www.soulvision.com.
Mahalene Louis wants you to know: As an Inspiration Anchor, I
offer an engaging e-zine, free teleclasses and Turn on the
Light!, a unique program to assist the creative genius in you to
express and market your gifts successfully. Turn on the Light!
inspires you to show up as a stunning masterpiece of unbridled
passion and creativity, and to evolve consciousness by acting in
alignment with the powerful force you are.

About the author:
Mahalene, a native of France, began her career as a journalist
and teacher in Europe. She spent her first twenty years in the
US as a self-supporting artist. As she is in all accounts a
“true artist,” one of her greatest gifts as an inspiration
anchor is to offer “a new way to look at it,” which is greatly
instrumental to increase chances of success, prosperity, and
happiness.

a) Have to Keep b) Maybe.Not 100% Sure c) Definitely Not

Once you have completed this part of the project, you will more
than likely find the “Definitely Not” pile is the smallest one.
What is it a professional might call this “Separation Anxiety”?
However, don’t worry, almost everyone ends up this way, after
all it is not easy parting with our things, even if it is
something you have not used in years. 3. Re-Sort Once More Try
to be as realistic as possible here, remember the goal is to
“Clear The Clutter”.

a) Not Sure Group This group is easy: If it is already here,
more than likely, you will never use it so into the “Definitely
Not” pile it goes.

b) Have To Keep This could be the hardest pile to sort, so a tip
to remember: If you have not used something in the last year,
chances are you probably will not use it again. This applies to
everything from shoes to car cleaners; however if there is
something you never use but has a special memory attached, keep
it.

Gifts can be a tricky area, one thing to keep in mind just
because someone gave you something, it does not mean you must
keep it forever. So that figurine that great aunt Edna gave you
years ago or the bird made of shells from a friends vacation
does not need to keep collecting dust on your bookcase.

Now, you may wonder about things from your children. I use to
keep everything my daughters brought home from school. Finally,
I decided to go through and keep one or two items from each
grade, put them into a plastic storage box labeled Sherri &
Ashley – School – K-12. Now all school memories are safe and in
one place, this is a useful idea for grandparents.

Once you have finished your resort, you have a couple of choices
for those “Definitely Not” items, depending on their condition,
either just pitch them, give them away or have a tag sale and
make yourself a little money. 4. Organize & Store What Is Left
Now is the time to put what is left away, by organizing you will
not only have tidy shelves, closets and cabinets but you will be
able to put your hands on what ever it is you need.

There are numerous storage options for every room in your home.
Plastic boxes come in a variety of sizes and colors and are
inexpensive. Stacked on a closet shelf, clear smaller sizes make
perfect storage for extra shoes, winter gloves, pictures or how
about extension cords, nails, packages of hooks or hand tools.
Larger sizes can keep extra winter coats, blankets, odd season
clothes or seasonal decorations neat and in one place. Baskets,
hampers even seldom used suitcases can be useful, stacking
plastic milk crates are perfect for kids room.

How about those cluttered kitchen cabinets, plastic tiered
risers work wonderful for stacking cans of soup, veggies or
spaghetti sauce, this makes use of wasted space and you are able
to see at a glance what you have. One area everyone has is the
famous “Junk Drawer”; these can be kept organized with
silverware trays. By buying individual pieces in different
sizes, you can customize each drawer to fit exactly what you
need. The lesson here is that by having a little patience,
taking your time and giving some thought to your storage needs,
you can not only “Clear The Clutter” but also have an organized
home.

About the author:
Bonnie P. Carrier is the creator of Savvy Home Decorating. She
is the mother to two grown daughters and a very spoiled 4yr old
Blue Merle Sheltie named Toby. She has been a homemaker for over
23yrs, with lots of experience at budget decorating and
organization. Stop by Savvy Home Decorating for ideas and tips
on budget decorating.

. Emails . Phone . Meetings

The increase in productivity from investing a small amount of
time in efficiently managing these activities upfront is more
than worth the result.

EMAIL MANAGEMENT

Keeping up with the daily onslaught of emails is a major
challenge for most of us, both personally & professionally. The
following tips will help you manage the daily flow of emails:

. Create an electronic filing cabinet, much like the physical
cabinets you have, with electronic folders for category names

. Once emails have been read and responded to (if an action is
required), move the email from your inbox to your storage
folders. This makes it easy to track which emails still need an
action. Many companies impose limits on “inbox” size. By moving
your mail out of your inbox to a personal folder, an added
benefit is that the restriction on size will not interrupt your
day at precisely the moment you need to send an email.

. If your email program includes previous email content for that
email string when replying, be sure to delete earlier versions
of the string to avoid redundant emails filed. This makes it
much easier to find the latest copy in the string when searching
later.

. If your email has an attachment file, detach and save it as a
file in your electronic filing system for future reference, so
you won’t have to go searching through your emails to find the
file later. Relying on email subject headings can create a time
consuming search for the file later.

. If you frequently send the same type of email, save a copy as
a draft or template that you can reuse over & over (changing the
specifics such as name, date and amount for each email)

. If a document is available electronically, but you refer to it
frequently, print it and keep it in a hanging file or on your
desktop.

. Every 6 months or so, go through your folders and delete
emails no longer needed. This will save disk space and make your
searches more streamlined.

PHONE MANAGEMENT

. When you leave a voice mail for someone, if the issue you are
calling about is a straightforward question, ask it on voice
mail to avoid playing telephone tag. Also, encourage the
responder to leave the answer on your voice mail if they miss
you. However, if the issue is complex, do not leave a lengthy
voice mail explaining the issue (out of consideration for the
recipient).

. If you know you will be in meetings or unavailable at certain
times, let the person know o avoid voice mail telephone tag.

. If you are in the middle of a complex task that requires an
uninterrupted thought process, let voice mail answer the phone.
Otherwise, take the call to avoid a pile up of messages to
return later.

. Phone messages should be responded to within 24 hours. If you
have been too tied up to answer a question or inquiry, at least
respond to the person who called to let them know that, and then
give them an expected date by which you will have the answer for
them. This way you still seem responsive, even if you cannot
address their request immediately.

MEETING MANAGEMENT

. When calling a meeting, always draft an agenda and attach it
to the meeting invitation. The agenda will serve multiple
purposes:

o Help attendees prepare for the meeting o Provide a sense of
time allocated to each subject, so attendees can be mindful of
intended time allotments o Focus attention on the key issues to
discuss (in case the meeting agenda gets sidetracked) o
Demonstrate to others that you value their time & intend to make
the meeting productive

This work equally well for small or large meetings, but becomes
even more essential to productivity with a large meeting

. After the meeting, it is helpful to prepare “meeting minutes”.
The minutes provide a summary of the key points discussed, and
the associated outcomes and action items. They serve as a
helpful recap for the attendees, as well as others who could not
attend, but who have an interest in the subject matter. A track
record of accurate meeting minutes also helps to keep meeting
size to a manageable volume, as all of the affected parties will
feel less of a need to attend the meeting in order to understand
its’ directional outcomes.

. The day before the meeting, make sure to arrange for copying
of any required handouts.

. If co-workers are always dropping by for impromptu meetings,
don’t hesitate to create a “Do Not Disturb” time to be used for
those complex thinking projects, where being interrupted has a
big impact on your train of thought.

Copyright 2004-All rights reserved

About the author:
As The Organizing Wiz, Ilene Drexler works with clients who want
to get organized in their home or offices. As a member of the
National Association of Professional Organizers and the National
Study Group on Chronic Disorganization, Ilene is a part of the
industry’s leading resources for professional organizing.

The Organizing Wiz Phone 917-301-1981 Email:
ilene@organizingwiz.com
url: www.organizingwiz.com

Many parents today really try to be better parents than their
parents were. They attempt to be there for their children – to
listen to them, support them, spend time with them, as well as
hold and nurture them. Their children grow up feeling loved and
valued by these loving parents, yet often these same children
struggle as adults in many areas of their lives. I have numerous
clients who tell me that they had wonderful parents who truly
loved and nurtured them, yet these clients are struggling with
their work, their relationships, or their lives in general. Why
is this?

The common issue is that their parents did not role model for
them personal responsibility for their own feelings, needs, and
physical health. They did not teach them through their own
behavior how to take good care of themselves physically or
emotionally.

So, what are you teaching your children through your own
behavior? Do you role model following your passions, or do you
spend your spare time watching TV? Do you role model taking good
care of your health, or do you smoke cigarettes, eat badly and
get little exercise? Do you have a spiritual practice that is
meaningful to you and moves you into your heart, or do you stay
mostly in your head? Do you have a process for managing your
conflicts with others, or do you tend to withdraw, get angry,
resist or comply as a way to control or avoid conflict? Do your
children see you avoiding life’s difficulties with alcohol,
drugs, gambling, spending, TV or other addictive behavior, or
learning from life’s challenges? Are you boring because you just
try to be safe and maintain the status quo, or do you extend
yourself and take some risks that result in aliveness and
vitality?

A client of mine was recently struggling with the lack of
passion in her life. I asked her if her parents were passionate
about anything. “No,” she said. “The smoked constantly, drank
beer, and watched TV. They were nice to me, but they were both
sick a lot and both died at young ages. I never saw either of
them excited about anything.” This woman in her late forties had
no idea of how to discover her passions and her life felt dead
to her. Her husband had expressed a lack of interest in her
because he actually found her to be boring, and was no longer
sexually interested in her. This is what brought her to work
with me.

Let’s take the role modeling a little further. Are you honest,
or do you let your children think it’s okay to withhold the
truth or even lie outright. Do you role model integrity, or do
you behave in ways that you would not want announced in a
newspaper? Do you stand up for yourself, or do you let others
walk all over you? Do you tolerate abusive situations or do your
children see you take action in your own behalf?

It’s very important to realize that, while being there for your
children is vital, it is only half of good parenting. The other
half is being there for yourself with honesty, courage and
integrity. It’s not enough to treat your children with love. You
need to treat yourself with love as well if you want your
children to grow up knowing how to take loving care of
themselves.

If your parents did not role model treating themselves lovingly,
the chances are you don’t know how to do it for yourself.
Treating yourself lovingly is something that is a learned skill.
The six-step Inner Bonding process (see our FREE course at
www.innerbonding.com) was developed specifically for this
purpose. The best thing you can do for yourself and your
children is learn these six powerful steps and practice them on
a daily basis. Your children will naturally learn how to take
responsibility for themselves – for their health and emotional
well-being – as you learn to do this for yourself. Give yourself
and your children the gift of the joy that comes from truly
loving yourself!

About the author:
Margaret Paul, Ph.D. is the best-selling author and co-author of
eight books, including “Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By
You?”, “Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By My Kids?”,
“Healing Your Aloneness”,”Inner Bonding”, and “Do I Have To Give
Up Me To Be Loved By God?” Visit her web site for a FREE Inner
Bonding course: http://www.innerbonding.com

Inattention: The most visible and well-known behavior of a child
with attention deficit issues is an inability to maintain
attention and focus over an extended period of time. This
behavior shows up in a variety of situations, such as forgetting
or confusing instructions that were just given, being
inattentive when involved in a conversation, growing bored of
activities within moments, appearing to be in a daze or day
dream, and being unable to complete tasks.

Hyperattention: Paradoxically, the same ADD child who cannot
stay focused enough to finish many common tasks will have no
problem whatsoever in focusing on a video game or TV show for
hours. This ability to hyper-focus on chosen activities is very
common in the child with Attention Deficit Disorder. This
behavior is possible only because the child pursues the
desirable activity through a heightened level of excitement
which is a controlled form of hyperactivity.

Distractibility: An ADD child can be easily distracted from most
activities by any form of stimulus in the environment (movement,
color, sound), as well as by their own scattered, fast-moving
thoughts. This results in half-finished or poorly completed
tasks, constant minor non-compliances with known rules,
zig-zagging from one activity to another, and the inability for
the child to do well in group situations (such as school) where
compliance with the rules is important.

Impulsivity: An ADD child will often blurt out information in
inappropriate ways and make poor decisions relative to their
actions. This child may risk his or her own safety without a
second thought, running into the street, climbing to the top of
a tree or rock formation, or jumping or diving into a pool
without checking the depth. The child with ADD acts on impulse
rather than through logic or problem-solving. Impulsivity in
many ADD children can also be characterized by impatience or
temperamental (often oppositional) behavior since the ADD child
often feels a driving need for something (anything!) to happen
immediately.

Hyperactivity: Of all the characteristics of an ADD child, the
behavior that is most difficult for those around the child to
accept is the presence of hyperactivity. The child with
hyperactivity is always in motion — touching, searching,
pushing, jumping, running, tapping, and squabbling with friends
and siblings. The hyperactive ADD child seems to need a high
level of stimulation at all times in order to feel OK.
Hyperactivity will also be seen in the form of a child who talks
incessantly, clowns around all of the time, and finds every
other form of trouble that a parent can name.

Insatiability: The ADD child has an insatiable need for
attention to be brought onto himself. While all children thrive
on adult attention, focus and concern, the child with ADD can
never seem to get enough. They act out, talk incessantly, joke
around, monopolize conversations, demand the teacher’s constant
involvement, show off to friends, and badger incessantly until
they get their way.

Clumsiness and Poor Coordination: Many ADD children exhibit
problems with fine motor control. This can be seen in poor
handwriting and in difficulty performing other routine tasks
such as buttoning buttons or tying shoelaces. When combined with
the child’s inability to plan or organize a flow of activities,
the resulting outcome (written paper, self-dressing, etc.) may
appear chaotic and disorganized. Many ADD children also exhibit
gross motor control clumsiness due to poor motor planning
cognitive skills or other co-existing weaknesses in areas such
as balance, depth-perception or eye-hand coordination.

Disorganization: The ADD child is a study in disorganization!
Whether it is the state of the child’s room, the organization of
a term paper, the set up of the child’s school supplies and
workspace, grooming, dressing and hygiene skills, or any other
aspect of the child’s life, the most probable outcome will be a
disorganized mess. This results from the ADD child’s impulsivity
(jumping at any solution), distractibility (stopping in the
middle of any activity), hyperactivity (pulling out and tearing
apart everything in sight), and inattention (they lose interest
anyway!).

Mood Swings: With an ADD child, everything is always at
extremes, and their range of emotions is no different. In some
cases, they can be extremely domineering and controlling as they
seek to gain attention for themselves. In other cases, they can
be unreachable, and no amount of discipline or parental
intervention seems to have an effect. When an child with ADD is
“stuck” in the emotions of the moment, there seems to be no way
for reasonable discussions to bypass the emotional whirlwind in
progress. ADD children can be described as oppositional,
stubborn, overly-dramatic, flighty, ecstatically happy or
excessively sensitive, just to name a few of the extremes
experienced by ADD children.

Poor Social Skills: Based on all of the issues discussed so far,
it’s not surprising that ADD children don’t fare well with peer
relationships. They speak and act impulsively, show off and
dominate conversations or class time, clown around at
inappropriate times, miss subtle social cues, may be physically
clumsy and awkward, and often irritate and annoy their peers in
a thousand daily ways.

As a result of the symptoms and behaviors just described, the
ADD child encounters all too many difficulties in their young
lives. True ADD should not be considered a “phase” that will be
outgrown. Rather, parents and educators should seek all of the
education and knowledge they can find to help these kids
flourish and succeed throughout the elementary school years.

About the author:
Jeanne Bauer is the author of the ADD to C3 Kids E-Booklets,
providing a fast, natural and healthy approach to ADD/ADHD. Find
more information at http://www.add-adhd-infoplus.com and
http://www.addtoc3kids.com. ]]> http://www.quietcornerfamily.com/articles/the-add-child-challenging-parents-teachers-and-friends/feed 0 http://www.quietcornerfamily.com/articles/war-declared-on-instant-messenger-how-to-stop-your-child-from-wasting-their-life-away-online http://www.quietcornerfamily.com/articles/war-declared-on-instant-messenger-how-to-stop-your-child-from-wasting-their-life-away-online#comments Fri, 24 Apr 2009 10:28:47 +0000 Jenn McGroary http://localhost/quietcorner/?p=43 Hey Parents! I hate to tell you, but there is no such thing as
“useful instant messaging”. Your crafty child might try to take
advantage of your lack of “Techie” know how when they say in
that whiny voice… “But Mom I’m IMing my friends about
homework.” Don’t buy it! They are simply playing up the school
is important bit so they can get you off their back.

To be fair, yes kids might spend a couple minutes discussing
their school assignments. But for every 30 seconds of actual
work, another 30 minutes are lost in useless chatter with the
hundred or so “friends” on their buddy list! And if your child
consistently pulls the “I didn’t know the assignment” excuse,
then bigger school problems than instant messaging are on the
horizon.

You can easily stop the hours upon hours of instant messaging
with one simple gesture. PULL THE PLUG! Now, I don’t really mean
to literally pull the plug out of the computer on your child.
The last thing we want to do is get into a power struggle with
your child, or break your $1500 computer.

No, what I mean is simply lay down the law. Allocate a specific
period of instant messaging time per day. One hour of IMing is
not going to kill anyone or their social life. And in that one
hour time slot they will have plenty of time to discuss
homework, their teacher, the new kid in class, or whatever.

Right now you might be saying, “That sounds great Chris, but
what happens when my kid refuses to adhere to the allotted
time?” When your child disregards your house rules it simply
means they have too much free time on their hands. We all know
that idleness is the devil’s playground. It might be time to up
their chore responsibilities. Or sign them up for an after
school art class or even a sport or karate. Sometimes the best
answer is to simply spend some quality time with them. Set up a
time each day to play scrabble, take a walk or cook something
together. It really doesn’t matter what it is, just play to your
kids interests and keep them busy.

The internet is a great tool, especially when it comes to
education and homework. In the future we can expect to see an
even greater merger of it with our every day lives. However,
right now it’s the great stealer of time. Getting sidetracked is
very easy, (as some of you might know) and with the media
induced, shortened attention spans of our children, whole young
lives could waste away online. Teach your kids to use the
Internet and Instant Messaging as intended. Sometimes we use it
for work; sometimes we use it for play. Just be sure your kids
know the difference between the two.

=======================================

Chris Pizzo is the President of Noble Learning Systems Inc. and
the developer of the NEW “Amazing Homework Motivator” program.

Why are thousands of kids happily sitting down to do their
homework each and every night?…Without a fight, an argument,
or even a reminder? Click here now ==> www.HomeworkMotivator.com

About the author:
Chris Pizzo is the President of Noble Learning Systems Inc. and
the developer of the NEW “Amazing Homework Motivator” program.

Anything that we use to get love, avoid pain, and fill up inner
emptiness can become an addiction – even our children! If your
children are your whole life – if you don’t have a strong
spiritual connection with a personal source of love and
guidance, as well as other relationships and interests that you
are passionate about, you might be using your children to fill
an empty place within you.

If you don’t have a partner or your relationship with your
partner is not fulfilling to you, and you don’t have deeply
connected and meaningful friendships, then you might be using
your kids as your major emotional connection. If you don’t have
hobbies or work that are compelling and fulfilling to you, you
might be using your children to give meaning to your life. If
you don’t have a daily spiritual practice that brings love and
comfort to your soul, you might be using your children to fill
this need.

If this is what you are doing, it is not good for your children.
It is a huge burden on children to be responsible for their
parent’s loneliness and sense of purpose. Children who feel this
responsibility often become caretakers, giving themselves up to
take care of a parent. On the other hand, a child burdened with
this responsibility may rebel and distance from the parent,
spending less and less time at home to avoid the burden of the
parent’s emptiness.

I grew up as an only child with a mother who had nothing
fulfilling in her life – other than me. Her whole focus was on
me, and because I couldn’t possibly fill her up in the way she
needed to be filled, she was often angry at me. I became a good
little girl, a good caretaker of my mother, but the result was
that I was a nervous and unhappy child, and wanted to be away
from my house as much as possible.

Our children need to be a part of our life, not our whole life.
We need to role-model for them what it looks like to take
personal responsibility for filling ourselves up. We need to
show them what it looks like to take responsibility for making
ourselves happy, rather than rely on them for our happiness.
Your children want to know that they are important to you, but
not so important that your well-being is dependent upon them.
You might want to explore the following questions to see if you
may be using your children addictively:

* Do you have a solid spiritual practice that fills you with a
sense of peace and gives meaning to your life?

* Are you expressing your particular talents in a way that feels
meaningful and productive to you and gives you a sense of
fulfillment?

* Do you have fulfilling emotional connections with other adults
- a partner, other family members or friends?

If you answered “yes” to these, then you are probably not using
your children addictively.

* Do you feel bored and useless when your children are not
around? Is it your children that give your life meaning?

* Is your sense of worth attached to your children’s
achievements? Do you tend to take it personally if one of your
children has a problem?

* Are you over-involved in your children’s lives?

* Are you overly sensitive if one of our children is angry or
distant? Do you find yourself trying to pacify your children
rather than set appropriate limits in order to avoid their
rejection?

* Did you choose to have children to share the fullness of your
love or did you have children in the hopes of getting love from
them?

If you answered “yes” to one or more of these, then there is a
good possibility that you are using your children addictively.
If this is the case, the best thing you can do for you and your
children is to move yourself toward a solid spiritual practice,
look for meaningful ways of expressing your talents, and develop
emotional connection and support from other adults.

About the author:
Margaret Paul, Ph.D. is the best-selling author and co-author of
eight books, including “Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By
You?”, “Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By My Kids?”,
“Healing Your Aloneness”,”Inner Bonding”, and “Do I Have To Give
Up Me To Be Loved By God?” Visit her web site for a FREE Inner
Bonding course: http://www.innerbonding.com

It’s true that most people are busy, but extra time for some
sort of home-based extra income-producing project can almost
always be found. It may mean giving up or changing a few of your
favorite pastimes – such as having a couple of beers with the
guys or watching TV – but if you score big with your extra
income project, you will have all the time you want for doing
whatever you want to do.

The first thing to do is to sit down with pencil and paper and
list your daily schedule. What time do you wake up? Then
step-by-step, list everything you do each day. Most people will
find that they have about three hours each day that can be
utilized in a more constructive or efficient manner. As we’ve
noted above, you may have to give up the time you waste in your
local pub or a few television programs you watch, but it will be
worth it in the long run.

Efficient time management boils down to planning what you’re
going to do, and then doing it without backtracking. Start by
making a list of the things you want to do tomorrow, each
evening before you go to bed. Schedule your trips to the store
or wherever to coincide with the other things you have to do,
and with your trips to or from work. Organize your trips to take
care of as many things as possible while you’re out of the
house. Take stock of the time you spend standing around shooting
the breeze – especially the time you spend on the telephone -
and eliminate all that isn’t necessary.

Whatever chores you have to do at home, set aside a specific
time to do them, and a specific amount of time to devote to
them. For instance, just one hour a day devoted to yard work
would probably make your property the envy of all your
neighbors. Don’t try to do a week’s work in one big flurry.
Whether it’s painting your house, fixing leaky faucets, or
mowing your lawn and trimming your shrubs, do a part of it, or
one particular job each day, and you’ll be amazed at your
progress.

Take care of all your mail the day you receive it. Don’t let
those bills and letters pile up on you. If you’re unable to pay
a bill immediately, file it in a special place that’s visible,
and note on the envelope the date you intend to pay it. Answer
your letters the same day you get them.

The important thing is to think of time as your most valuable
asset, because it is. So organize! Decide what you have to do,
and what you want to do. From there, it’s just a matter of
arranging priorities.

Once you start listing and planning what you want to do, and
then carry out your plans, you’ll find plenty of “extra time”
for handling virtually any kind of home-based income-producing
project. People in general may not like routines or schedules,
but without some sort of plan as to what is supposed to be done,
the world would be mired in mass confusion.

Laws, ordinances and regulations are for the purpose of guiding
people. We live according to an accepted plan or way of life,
and the better we can organize ourselves, the more productive
and happy we become.

The secret of all financially successful people is simply that
they are organized and do not waste time. Think about it. Review
your own activities, and then see if you can’t find a couple of
extra hours in each day for more constructive accomplishments.

When you begin planning, and then when you really become
involved in an extra in come-producing endeavor, you should work
it exactly as you have organized your regular day-to-day
activities – on a time-efficient basis. Do what has to be done
immediately. Don’t try to get done in an hour something that’s
realistically going to take a week. Plan out on paper what you
have to do – what you want to do – and when you are going to do
it. Then get right on each project without procrastination.

Finally, and above all else, when you’re organizing your time
and your business, be sure to set aside some time for
relaxation. Be sure to schedule time when you and your spouse
can be together. You must not involve yourself in anything to an
extent that you exclude other people – particularly your loved
ones – from your life.

Taking stock of the time you waste each day, and from there,
reorganizing your activities is what it’s all about. It’s a
matter of becoming more efficient in the use of your time. It’s
really easy to do, and you will not only accomplish a lot more,
you will also find greater fulfillment in your life.

Resource Box
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Kevin Purfield owns the Wealth System Online Resource Directory
where you can find everything you need to start,run and grow a
home based internet business at:
http://www.wealthsystemonline.com/pluginprofits.htm
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