Facing the Homeschool Super Mom

I know this Mom. She homeschools her 5 children, plus she tutors
several other children that are dropped off at her house. AND
she’s a Pastor’s wife. AND she’s working on fixing up the
fixer-upper they just moved into. Whenever I’ve been in her
house, it’s been immaculate. Her children all have perfect
manners. They all seem to be way ahead of their grade level.
She’s definitely gotta be a Homeschool Super Mom.

You’re probably thinking of someone like this too, right?
Someone that made you think, “Man, my son isn’t reading as well
as hers.” or “My house isn’t as clean as hers.” Or a million
other things.

And you probably discovered her when you were new to
homeschooling. When you were already feeling uncertain in your
new endeavors. You were already putting high expectations on
yourself. You were constantly analyzing to be sure you were
doing everything right. And as a result, you tend to be a little
over-sensitive about what other’s are accomplishing around you
without giving enough credit to yourself.

So, it’s really important that you remember (as a new
homeschooler or a seasoned one) these basic principles that we
all so easily forget:

“The 4 Basic Principles That Conquer the ‘Super-Moms’ Syndrome”

Principle #1: We always see other’s through glasses that make
them larger than life. When I was a teenager, there was this
lady in our church. Her hair and makeup was always perfect. She
lived in a big, expensive home. She was very stylish and her
kids were so cool. I always wanted to grow up and have that.

But I don’t anymore.

I’d rather have my house that gets messy 5 minutes after it gets
picked up, my hair that falls down into my eyes as I pick up my
children, and my face that only gets makeup on Sunday. Why you
may ask? Well, here’s why. I’m happy. I love my family, and I
wouldn’t trade them for anything.

The lady I had idolized as a teen? She still has her perfect
home and impeccable style. But, she has a marriage without love
and children who are stuck up adults who ignore her totally.

I had seen her through glasses that made her larger than life.
In the end, she’s not any bigger or greater than me. In fact,
she probably wishes that she had my life!

So, if you start to think about someone else who seems to have
the life you want, STOP LOOKING! Instead, sit down and make a
list of 100 good things in your life–from the air you breathe,
to the heat in your home, to the kisses from your child. I
guarantee that you’ll feel better about yourself that you ever
have before.

Principle #2: Everyone has their own unique gift. Everyone has
their own unique ability and we tend to notice in other’s the
abilities that might be our “weak” ones.

For instance, if you think you’re house is always messy, you’ll
seem to know all these people who have perfectly neat homes.

For an example from my life, I have a son who struggles with
speech and it seems like every other parent within a 100 mile
radius have children with perfect diction. But you know that’s
not the way it is. My son might not pronounce every phonic sound
correctly–yet!–but he has so many other gifts that hardly make
that one seem important.

For instance, no one notices his speech. They always comment,
though, how loving he is. Just running up to people and giving
them hugs. And he has fun no matter what he does. Can you
believe one day I actually heard myself saying, “Ryan. Stop
that. Not everything is supposed to be fun.” I had to step back
and slap myself. Then I said, “Never mind. Mommy was wrong. Have
as much fun as you can.” And I learned a lesson from that.

So, forget about what the homeschooled Jones’ are doing.
Discover your child’s unique ability and relish in it and
develop it and learn from it.

Right now, at the end of your list of 100 things that you’re
grateful for, list 10 wonderful qualities or abilities for
yourself and each of your children. Work on acknowledging,
praising, and being thankful for all of your gifts. And don’t
forget to thank God that you got the greatest kids ever born on
this earth.

Principle #3: It doesn’t matter what others think. I know, it
seems easier said than done. But I guarantee that if you’ve
actually taken the time to write down your list of 100 things
that you’re grateful for and 10 wonderful qualities of your
child, that you won’t care what other people think because you
will know and appreciate what you have.

And, see, it really doesn’t matter what other people think.

What matters is what’s important to you. Your core values. Your
beliefs. Your ethics. How do you want your children to be as
adults? Hey, write it down right now. 5 things you want your
child to be as an adult.

Okay, I’ll do it right now too for Ryan who is 6 years old–but
do yours before you read mine: A loving husband and father An
honest, ethical entrepreneur Faithful in service to God Kind,
thoughtful, and helpful to those less fortunate Thankful and
content for what he can do and what he has Now, I’ll bet that
you had similar types of things. Not, “makes $1,000,000 by age
30″ or “wins he Miss America contest”.

Focus on developing and rearing your child to have those 5
qualities, and I’ll guarantee that the fact that Mrs. Smith’s
daughter who is 2 years younger than yours is reading book three
times as difficult. Geez, that’s a real life skill. You see what
I’m getting at?

Principle #4: When you say “yes” to one thing, you are always
saying “no” to something else. Have you ever heard that before?
I heard that from an owner of a successful multi-million dollar
business. That was the simple rule that he used to prioritize
his life. When he sat at his desk with phone messages to return,
he would literally think, “If I say ‘yes’ to calling this
person, what will I be saying ‘no’ to?” When someone would asked
to do something, he was able to say “no”, knowing that if he
said “yes” to that project, that he would be saying “no” to
extra time with his family.

This principle applies to everyone whether they are conscious of
it or not.

Mrs. Smith who is working so hard to have her child advanced in
reading is saying “no” to some other educational area. Or, Suzie
Homeschool Super Mom up the street who has her immaculate home
is saying “no” to time with her kids or family or something else.

The same applies to me. I’ve said “yes” to this homeschool site,
so I’ve had to say “no” to things like having a perfectly neat
house, laundry always done and put away, and a 5 course
home-cooked meal on the table by 5:00 every night.

Only say “yes” to the things that are important to you. (See,
you don’t know it, but I’ve been gone for 20 minutes. My
daughter came downstairs crying, and I stopped to take care of
her. And I’ve also acquired a set of ear muffs made from
pipecleaners and pom-poms.) So, as I was saying, say “yes” ONLY
to the things that are most important to you. And know ahead of
time what you’ll be saying “no” to before you say “yes”!

Principle #5: Take advantage of every possible tool. That’s
right. I don’t lift a finger (well, hardly a finger) to clean my
home as I have cleaner’s come twice a week to take care of that
responsibility for me. And to solve my meal preparation dilemma?
I purchase items that can be thrown in the oven and get side
dishes that are quick and easy.

You can do similar things. I have a homeschooling friend who
takes one day a month and cooks all day to makes meals for 30
days that she freezes and uses one at a time. And I thought she
cooked from scratch every night!

Having difficulties organizing? Don’t fight it. Buy something
that organizes your stuff or forget it. It really isn’t that
important to waste time stressing over!

Use all the tools you can, and leave everything else to collect
dust.

So whatever happened to that super mom?

Hopefully by now you’ve done the exercises or at least skimmed
enough here and there to know that there is no super mom except
the unrealistic giant you’ve created in your mind. Instead, you
should have a full, realistic view of the gifts and treasures
that you possess and a new appreciation for all you get done and
how you can enjoy doing what you do a little more! If you’ve
done that, than I wasn’t wrong in saying “yes” to this project!

Release your worries and enjoy life!

About the author:
Laura Bankston is author of Internationally selling Cooking with
Kids Curriculum: “Homeschool Cooking in a Box” and the
“Homeschool Cookbook”. She currently home schools her three
children, maintains home school support websites, and manages
their family-owned service business. For information on her
curriculum and free home school support services, please visit
http://www.homeschoolcookbook.com